The Ex

I went to dinner with the Ex last night. We met in Putney and went for some tapas. All went well, we got on like we used to, chewed the fat about how we were both getting on. She mentioned she had been on a couple of dates, so it is good to see she is moving on. Both of us seem to be in similar head space in that it is so hard to find interesting people, but after being with someone so long maybe both of our expectations are too high?

We then went for a drink at a bar near the restaurant. And she started crying again. She has now cried every time I have seen her since we split up. The funny thing is she doesn't know why. She says that she gets upset but doesn't know why. I hate seeing her cry. After all, I just want her to be happy, and I feel shitty if I upset her. I made her laugh a bit and that helped and then we parted ways again.

It was a positive experience but I still think she needs to deal with her emotions. She doesn't think about what has happened between us until she sees me and has to be confronted with it. I think that is why she cries. She buries everything as far down as possible, whereas I usually wear my heart on my sleeve.

It is funny, when we meet she pecked me on the cheek and it felt so wrong. A lot of my friends will kiss me on the cheeky when we say hello. With my Ex it felt so wrong. We have been so intimate through the years that to fall back on this formal greeting feel cheap. When we said goodbye I kissed her on the lips. I know we are friends now, but that feels just more natural.

I hope we can be friends because I do miss her.