Manners

I am not a very angry person. I get irritated fairly easily over certain things, but in general I am quite a cheery person. However I have a few pet hates which do make me act a little bit crazy every now and again. One of these is manners. Like most Essex boys I was raised by my mum to be polite and use my manners accordingly. So why does it seem that no other bugger can do this? I mean if you hold open a door for someone, or let them go through first, a simple "Thanks!" is all you need in reply. Not such a big thing. Just opening your mouth (which lets be honest most ignorant fly catching twats are already doing this), a little intake of breath (oxygen is good for the brains kids!) and then an exhale of sound and carbon dioxide. See it is easy to talk therefore easy to be polite. Hell babies may not have the palate to form words accurately but you fuckers should be able to. So when someone does this I automatically say, "my pleasure". This usually leads to a dumb founded expression (not that much of a change). After this you can usually bully them in to saying thanks. It probably won't change their whole outlook on life, but it is a small victory. And yes I know it is silly and doesn't achieve much, but this is one of my strange quirks - deal with it.

However, the door opening thing is NOTHING compared to people working their way through a busy crowd. If you are in a pub, club or some other crowded place, it can be uncomfortable and sometimes awkward to move through a crowd. We are all in the same position so it isn't too hard to work together to make it a little less unpleasant. If you are trying to get through, just tap me on the shoulder, say excuse me. I will make the effort to help you through. Easy peasy. Hell most of the time I notice people trying to get through and I will help them without even being asked. I am a nice guy, what can I say. BUT you try and push your way through, and fuck me, I will turn into the most immoverable brick wall you have ever come across. There is no way you will get past me. I am not the smallest guy in the world, so if need be I can use that weight. And if you insist on pushing me harder, that's when I will push back. And I will have a go. I have never been known for keeping my thoughts to myself in this situation.

So come on. It is not hard to make the world a better place. A few please, thank you's and excuse me's can make it all seem that much more pleasant in this green land of ours.

Either that or you will get me pushed all up in your face, Ricki Lake style, girlfriend!

Rant over. Normal services will now resume.